Posted by: apopalyptic | 04/04/2010

You keep saying you’ve got something for me

And that something is the Apopalyptic entry about Boots.

Boots are, obviously, The Official Shoe of the Apocalypse. And I’m not talking about booties, or ankle boots. Those shouldn’t even get to be counted as shoes. Those are boots for people who like the boot “look” but can’t seem to understand that the whole point of boot-cut jeans is, in fact, to wear boots under them. Seriously, those shoes are the kind of shoes that shoe designers design while asking the question “Who on earth is gullible enough to buy the ugliest shoes we could possibly make?”

The whole point of boots is that they make anybody’s legs look good. Ankle boots and booties just make you look short, and who wants to look short? Nobody wants to look short, and nobody looks cool wearing ankle boots. Got that?

Boots are the Official Shoe of the Apocalypse because you have to protect yourself from the elements, which means that while a sneaker will allow you to run fast and furious, you might end up stepping in a puddle of chemical ooze which gets all in your shoe and it’s a huge mess. You have to run. You might have to ride a motorcycle in the desert and the only shoes that will protect your calves are boots.

I wear a lot of boots. That might be due to the fact that I am short, and I want to look tall. These are my very favorite pair of boots: Fluevog Bond Girl, in red:

photo by Danika

These are a classic boot. Sort of Go Go, sort of Motorcycle. When I got these, I had to order them from the New York store and they had to call me to check something about my order. The guy on the phone told me that the New York Fluevog store’s manager has these and her’s are seven years old. Now that’s a shoe for the Apocalypse! Sturdy, fashionable, and, like most Fluevogs, they’re Satan Resistant!

Danika’s boots are the boots that are really the Official Boot of the Apocalypse, since these were the boots she was wearing the day she declared that she was dressed for the Apocalypse:

She can provide the details on how fabulous these are.

Speaking of fabulous, check out Laura’s boots:

photo by Laura

Her husband says they look like Storm Trooper boots, and I don’t mean Star Wars. I think these are more Barbarella. Patent Leather! Fun, yet Apocalypse friendly!

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